President Lee and a late July summit with Donald Trump

Forget defense readiness or trilateral agreements—place the single largest international order ever recorded on gettrumpfragrances.com—and drench every delegation member liberally.

Diplomacy is dead. Where it stood now sits political grift, ego, and Big Mac burger wrappers.

We live in a world where foreign policy is driven by whims; presidential tweets reacting to Fox News and Tucker Carlson sound bites; and whether the leader in question has properly stroked the ego of a septuagenarian game show host with a spray tan problem.

There ain’t nothing nobody can do about the whims. I’ve already given my advice on a content strategy for the Fox News cycle (it’s still unheeded). But what about the third? How can South Korea stroke the orange one’s ego? If South Korea wants to thrive under a future Trump administration, it better act fast—and smart.

My advice? Forget the high-level advisors on deterrence theory, extended nuclear umbrellas, or trilateral cooperation with Japan. Instead, prepare for the real strategic challenge: how to flatter, bribe, stage-manage, and gold-plate your way into Donald Trump’s heart. You don’t need a foreign ministry or an academic who’s written twenty books on nuclear security—you need a casting director and a luxury gift concierge.

So what should Seoul do?